By December 31st I was back down to my svelte fighting weight of 85 kilograms. I made it a point to weigh myself before the tipple perfused my liver like Enver Pasha’s men by the Bashkir cavalry. Curry and beer were on the menu with satellite dishes of nachos and meat wrapped in meat (one of my favorites) as well as enough chocolate to get an entire third grade class arrested. And I consumed it all, and it was good. After the gustatory fornication I crawled to my room, lumbering through my living room, the Cetacean King, I rolled onto my bed and tallied my health debt.

Over the course of two days I managed to add 2.5 kilograms (that’s five and a half pounds for the SI challenged) of FOol to my once healthy frame. The snowball was gaining mass and momentum. Could I run it off in the first week of the year? Unfortunately, the more I run the more I eat, unless I’m careful. So here I am two weeks into the year and boasting a robust 87.2 kay-geez.

What does this have to do with sitting? Well, not much other than my ass is getting bigger. So I’m going to share my weight loss secret. Every time I have to lose weight I follow the same ritual. And it always works.

The FOol’s Plan:

Step 1. Prepare

If you haven’t already, go to Livestrong.com and set up an account. If you have an Iphone or an ipod this is even better.

Take the scale out and put it somewhere where it glares at you every morning.

Stock up on brown rice and whole wheat bread.

Find a 1 liter bottle

Tell your spouse or S.O. to not nag for the next week ‘cause your gonna be in a bad mood. (the bad mood is optional it’s really your choice).

Bust out your running shoes.

Step 2: Do

Use Livestrong’s site to set your targets. Eat only the number of calories that you allot for the day. Keep it simple. I try to use common sense rather than figuring what my fat, carb, protein ratio is. I’ve got better things to do with my time. My friends who are professional/serious athletes do this a lot, but I’d rather use the psychic energy and time to do things like read or spend time with my family. When you’re actually over weight breaking your diet down to scientific equations is like giving mouth-to-mouth to resuscitate a disembodied head. Calculate that stuff when your going from great shape to awesome shape. The only exception is if doing everything scientifically is what excites you, then it becomes motivation.

Livestrong does all the work for you. Don’t get hung up on specifics. A general idea of your caloric intake will do. Chances are you’ll be off 50-100 calories. Don’t try to be too perfect.

Record EVERYTHING that passes through your lips. This is an awesome exercise in awareness. You’ll be amazed at how often we just shove things in our mouth without thinking. If you snack record it. If you don’t have an ipod or iphone carry a notebook and leave food on the plate if you eat out. People may be starving somewhere in the world but your not, and eating all of your food won’t solve the world hunger problem.

SLOW BURN CARBS-If it’s white, don’t eat it. Simple. Eat the stuff that your body has to work a little to break down. This will keep you from being hungry and provide your body with a little bit better nutrition. I always eat brown sugar rather than white too.

Drink a liter of water before you eat. I like to mix it with wheat grass or lemon, both help raise the body’s alkalinity.

Step 3: Follow your progress.

Every single morning weigh yourself. If the scale is greeting you every morning you won’t forget. Chances are it will be scary, if you feel the fear, give yourself another option–stand naked in front of the mirror. When I’m over weight the thought alone makes me pucker.

When dropping pounds I like to run anaerobically–run for 30 seconds at 90% and then a minute at 30%, do this at least six times with 3-5 k warm-down and within no time I’m back in the realm of 85 kg’s.

There you are. It’s pretty simple. Everyone is different and different things work for them. This has never failed me. Once I drop the weight I can run longer distances and take a little bit more liberty with food.

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